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Psychological Domination

/in /by

You mumble inaudibly as you bite down on the gag, eagerly anticipating my next move. I drop the cane on the floor, the sound startles you more than the impact itself would have. I grab you by your hair and whisper in your ear, “not so tough now, are you?”

Even if there wasn’t a piece of plastic inhibiting your speech you wouldn’t of said a word. I slowly began to loosen the tightly bound rope around your wrists. I knew I had conquered you.

You came in so self-assured, so confident. Tense, defiant, completely over-inflated and under-aware. A self-anointed alfa, I was determined to break you, and I did…. I laughed, as I sent you on your way.

A few weeks had passed since then, and honestly, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. Although I was successful in sending you into a surreal subspace I was also exceedingly aware of your preconceived notions. The cultural credence that you are so invested in. The idea that women are somehow inferior to men, (obviously, we have vastly different views on the subject).

Yet, here you are, begging to come see me. Begging to submit. I contemplate a bit before agreeing. I didn’t appreciate the brash way you had approached me upon our first meeting. However, I did find it thrilling to turn the tables so effortlessly…so I agree.

You approach me noticeably more compliant then you had previously been. Not a word exchanged, but your demeanor tells me everything I need to know. I intently locked eyes with you, and with one stern snap of my fingers you are kneeling before me. I’m pleased.

I knew your new-found submission had nothing to do with the physical control I could have exhibited. For you it was mental. The truth is that you could have physically over powered me if you truly desired. You had at least 50 pounds and 6 inches in your favor, but that wasn’t what was diverting you, I had over powered you…just in a much more profound way. It was the psychology of it all that sent you to your knees, and this is where I found satisfaction.

People tend assume that my job revolves around beating people into submission, and although that does happen from time to time, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. A very small percentage of people are into intense physical pain, and as I am an extreme advocate of consensual play, I seldom get to venture.

However, it’s the psychological domination that you truly crave. This is the addictive component that you can’t get enough of. Anyone can use physical restraint to prevail, it’s the mental prowess that will leave you defenseless.

I say it all the time, but the art of domination is only about 10% physical, the other 90% is mental. There is something beautiful about the ability to make someone submit without malicious intent. It’s about manipulating the situation without imprecisely injuring the individual. The satisfaction isn’t in leaving someone psychologically weak and physically deflated. It’s about inspiring them to give into you completely, to get them to submit entirely with every essence of their being.

Regardless of how it may appear from the outside, it isn’t about imprisoning the subservient partner, it’s about freeing them in ways they couldn’t previously conceptualize. It’s not about rescinding previous beliefs it’s about disassembling them, and constructing something new entirely. Psychological domination is an art, and when demonstrated decorously it breaks down barriers, and is absolutely liberating.

Honest Insight

/in /by

I fasten a collar around your neck and drag you to your knees, forcing you on all fours. You shake with anticipation as I circle you, like a predator stalking its prey. My fingers glide down the small of your back, sending shivers down your spine.

My eyes lock yours, and in that moment, I know you are mine. Your vulnerability excites me, it’s what I came for. I know I could have you in any way I wanted you. The exchange of power leads to an undeniable intimacy. I could take advantage of you.

The intensity is palpable. I could have you doing things you previously denied. Things you would find electrifying in the moment but would ultimately leave you feeling dejected. As exhilarating as I may find the concept, I would never damage you in that way.

There is an implicit trust that is implied in our play, it’s delicate, and the line is thin. Although we may teeter, we both know, if we were to ever cross it, it would be detrimental. BDSM isn’t about un-complied activities dictated by the domme, or glorified abuse. It’s about conviction and consent. The interactions that evolve from play are often some of the most beneficial.

DS relationships have the potential to heal very deep wounds. They can build trust, enhance confidence, and often tend to create loving, profound, and lasting bonds. They are fun and adventurous, with the ability to produce not only a deeper understanding of your partner, but yourself as well.

However, abuse is a common misconception. The truth of the matter is that responsible adults in the BDSM community tend to stick to the “safe, sane, and consensual” school of thought. This precept is arguably the most acknowledged motto amongst the community. However, once you begin to venture out of the small circle and reach a broader crowd you realize that the term BDSM becomes synonymous with the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I never read the novels (though I did attempt it). The reason for this is partially due to the abysmal style of writing, and partially due to the erroneous message. My knowledge is limited to the film, which I found equally defective.

This of course is merely my humble opinion. My real issue is not that I found the franchise poorly executed, but rather that the dominant character, Christian Grey is an obvious manipulator and abuser. What is even more disturbing is that this is what is considered a staple and a socially accepted notion of BDSM.

In and out of the community there is a fair amount of acknowledgment regarding the abuse inflicted on the submissive character Anastasia. Christian uses his social prowess in conjunction with methodical methods of financial manipulation to force Anastasia into submission. Although this may appear consensual, it’s anything but.

Contriving the concept of consent doesn’t make it consensual. This blog isn’t intended to be a review of Fifty Shades of Grey, but rather a commentary on the misinformation provided, and an honest glimpse into what it means to be in a DS relationship.

Play shouldn’t be an imprisonment for the submissive, it should be freeing and fulfilling. It should be compassionate, not confining. Play should promote self-love and wellbeing, not self-hate and devastation. It should be mentally, emotionally, and psychologically healing. The only pain that should take play, is the physical kind. It should leave marks on your ass, not your psych…as long as you’re into that sort of thing.